The Secret

As I write, my mind is filled with the many faces of people who have talked with me of their marital distress over the years. I sincerely tried to give biblical counsel that would speak clearly and be of benefit to husbands and wives seeking to build an intimate marriage on a solid biblical foundation. Beyond who leaves the cap off the toothpaste, who does more work around the house, who spends more time meeting the needs of the children, or how much SEX is enough (or too much), there lies a mutual desire for one thing – ONENESS. Why does oneness seem so elusive at times; why do we notice its absence only after we find ourselves miles apart?

In searching for oneness in my own marriage - that is - after discovering that it had gone "missing in action" (usually over one of the above issues, etc.) at various times over the years, I discovered that it showed up whenever mutual respect and love was in operation between us (Ephesians 5:33). I also noticed that in meeting the spiritual and often times overwhelming everyday needs of my family and church family, I found very little or no time at all for personal moments spent in reflection or devotion time by myself or with my husband. I was too exhausted, and so was he – we were getting by on a prayer for "grace" and hoping we'd have time to talk, share, and cuddle "next week"! We can all agree that we are just too BUSY! Yes, I know much of our time is spent on "good" things and others. But, there are priorities! Time spent with your spouse uninterrupted by phones, email, texting, children, people, work, and busy schedules is absolutely important to keep ONENESS from doing a disappearing act!

Having experienced the cycle of seasons in our marriage, God showed us how to find spring in what seemed like an endless winter where ONENESS had disappeared under layers of ice and snow. We've shared this little God "secret" with many in counseling sessions. God encourages you to GETAWAY with your spouse! Yes, more than just a date night; you must getaway from familiar surroundings; go for an overnight stay just the two of you. Even Moses went "outside the camp" to have intimacy with the Lord. God loves these getaways – He goes with you! I know we've all been told two's company and three's a crowd, but trust me He loves ONENESS and marriage so much He'll make sure it happens if you will both have faith, hope and believe in Him. I know – some of you think you can't afford it. What Lani and I have learned is we can't afford NOT to! Your children need to see and experience the joy ONENESS births in your marriage. You must make investments in this area of your life. It's not selfish! It is wise! Everyone will benefit!

As we continue with the Fireproof Your Marriage and Relationships series, and apply these basic truths of love and respect everyday, we strongly encourage you to set some funds aside for the "Happily Ever After" Marriage Getaway on May 8
– 9^th. If you spread out the cost over a year it's less than $ 1.18 a day! That's only .59 cents per person per day! Your marriage is worth more than that! Please, prayerfully consider attending this life changing event. Check out the website for details – and make your reservations now. Many are fasting and praying for miracles to take place during this event that only God can imagine and perform. God has much in store for us as we go forth together in faith!

I have numerous notes and letters from many who have adopted this "secret" in their lifestyle. Here's a quote from a couple who had been in a winter season for twenty years, and really wanted to end it all:

"Although our counseling had brought a few results for the better in our marriage, we were still reluctant to take your counsel to go away together. We simply weren't sure we could stand to be together for even 24 hours ALONE! But, after praying we decided to at least try; what did we have to lose? All we can say is "Thank you" from the bottom of our hearts! We experienced a true new start last month, the joy continues and we know it will be last. We're already planning the next getaway! What can we say? Thank you so much for your love (and the tough love too) and prayers, God is really at work in our hearts and marriage. We're going to pass this secret along to our children and anyone who will listen!" D. and B.

Kathy